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As a celebrant, I am honoured to be able to farewell a loved one. I do my best to make sure the ceremony is about celebrating life, not mourning it.

During the week I was speaking to a gorgeous grieving husband. I felt he was open enough, through his grief, to share what I have come to experience and learn from grief and sorrow.

This may come as a shock to you, however, here goes!

When we grieve if is not about the one who has passed over, it is about our own emotions!

Grief brings up many feelings, thoughts and emotions…Why did they leave us? Now I am left all alone. Abandonment issues. What am I going to do with the rest of my life without them? I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye, I am sorry, or I love you.

I am sure there are many more things I could add to this list.

Notice it is all about the I!

It is normal to miss the ones we loved and still love, yet, it shouldn’t be about why, more about instead, thank you. Thank you for gifting your life to me: For being my partner, son, daughter, mother father, brother, sister, friend or relative.

Thank you for your smiles, your good sides and your bad, for your love and support, for your wisdom and comfort. For your kisses and hugs, for the lessons you have taught us. Thank you for choosing me to be a part of your soul family.

After The Boy passed over, all in Messages of Love, I grieved him so much I though the sun would never shine again. My heart was hurting, it felt so broken. ‘I’ felt so alone.

Fortunately for me, he spent over 4 years with me after he passed; sharing what his life was like on the other side. He helped me to understand there is no such thing as death; life is a continuing spiral of energy that transforms and grows.

He taught me that although I felt alone and abandoned by him, I was never alone. He was always near, and so were the rest of my soul family who had already passed over.

When my father passed over, I am sure my family was a bit astounded at my ‘lack’ of emotion. My poor dad was so ill, how could I wish him to be still living…all he was was a breathing skeleton! I didn’t have any unfinished business with him as that was all tied up two weeks before his passing.

We didn’t get to say goodbye in the physical because he was in Victoria and I live in Queensland. I didn’t have to physically say goodbye to him. Two nights before his passing I called him to see how he was. I knew then, by hearing his voice I would probably not speak to him again. In a dream that night I heard the phone ringing…it was Dad. He had rung to say goodbye, he said. It was then I knew for sure Dad’s time on earth was coming to an end…he could finally rest in peace.

I was not at all suprised to see a white feather lying under Dad’s coffin during his funeral service. Spirit gives us these signs to show when they are near.

Dad doesn’t come to me a lot, however, being a gardener and practical man he gives me advice on those things when I need them.

Does this mean I have become hardened and unfeeling? Definitely no!

At a funeral I was a celebrant for recently I cried with the family. I would not be human if I didn’t feel for them. My tears were for the family alone, not the one who had passed over, for she had cancer and was so ill for many years. As the butterflies were released at the end of the ceremony, I also knew her soul was released as well.

If you are grieving right now, I am so sorry for your loss. If you need a little help with death and dying my books for adults and children bring great comfort and healing. Take some time to do what you have to do in order to heal, then please, for the celebration of the life of the one you love, live for them…live your life to the fullest. Open your hearts to the love that surrounds you and allow yourselves to smile again, even laugh. I am sure heaven laughs with us when we are happy!

This comes from my heart to yours, Jen xxx

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