I was sharing my post with Chris from this morning about listening. I began to cry when I read out how I wasn’t doing well after his heart scare. ‘Jen, go into your heart and pretend you are with a client. Do what you do with them,’ I asked my heart to bring up one emotion I was feeling after that day the ambulance took Chris away, and the following time. ‘Helpless,’ was my reply. ‘I am a rescuer and I couldn’t do anything.’ I cried more! ‘When did you last feel this way?’ Chris asks. ‘When my other love died, I knew he was going to, yet I couldn’t save him. I was/felt helpless.’ More tears. ‘Keep going back to when again you felt this way.’ Chris kept gently guiding me. ‘When I was sexually attacked. I was only a little girl. I couldn’t stop it. I felt helpless.’ I’m sobbing by this time. ‘Keep going back. You know what to do.’ I have found in this lifetime and before, so many times I have felt helpless… unable to either save myself or another. In meditation this morning, I could see/feel this emotion has been brought up through Chris in order to heal all the previous times I have felt the way I do now. I have been gifted this opportunity to let those trapped tears fall, without judgment, shame or blame. It has been quite freeing and exhausting at the same time. Healing is exhausting. When we truly feel those emotions, it hurts. Our hearts actually feel heavy with unshed tears and untapped emotions. Mine does. I am sharing my method of healing with you because it may assist you too! I can’t do my counselling sessions because of Covid, however I can reach out to you from here! I realized my job is not to continually try to rescue, instead to gently guide myself and my clients through the emotions of the heart, a method I have been using for many years now. We are given many chances over and over again to heal from past traumas. The gift is to embrace them. One way to start is to find the emotion that brings up feelings of sadness, grief, anger, frustration, unworthiness, abandonment, rejection, on the list goes. Then keep going back with that word/emotion until you find it’s source- the beginning. A wound heals not by the Band-Aid that covers it! In gratitude and love eternally for my guidance today. Hopefully now I can let go of what was out of my control, accept it for what it was, and have the courage to heal all past feelings of helplessness. xxx
